


Nepenthe

by lambsoda



Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF, mcyt, tommyinnit - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Anxiety, But not explicit, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Mental Illness, Minecraft, Panic Attacks, Pogchamp?, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Self-Doubt, Self-Esteem Issues, Self-Harm, Self-Hatred, Tommyinnit based, Tommyinnit needs a hug, Trauma, and therapy, mcyt - Freeform, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-07
Updated: 2020-11-26
Packaged: 2021-03-08 19:01:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,074
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27441601
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lambsoda/pseuds/lambsoda
Summary: Nepenthe Is a tommy-centric baded fanfiction where tommy struggles with trauma and mental health. He hates being fostered but theres one family that feels different. Maybe he'll stay just this once, just to see how it really feels.Hes "happy", but it cant be easy.
Comments: 30
Kudos: 391





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings !:
> 
> Suicide ideation/thoughts, self harm, and just a lotta angst!! pls be careful D:,,,

**October 17, 2019. 3:37 AM**

_His ears rung an intense amount. Raising his hands, he attempted to flush out the noise with his fingers. Screaming, fighting, crashes. "S-stop it-" He managed to stutter out. Reopening his eyes, he realized it was still continuing. "Stop it!" The blond screams slightly louder to no avail. Why isnt it stopping? Why wont they stop? It hurts, it hurts so bad. Fuck. fuck, fuck, fuck!  
The boy shakily stood up , knees wobbling in fear as he slowly tranced over to his yelling parents. Attempting to intervene, he gripped his hands onto his father's shirt only to be met with a hand pushing him well onto the ground. He began to wail, not from pain, he just couldn't bottle it all in anymore. Looking up, the last thing he remembers is-_

Tommy woke up in a cold sweat, breathing heavily and looking over his shoulder to the alarm clock. "3:37 AM huh?" the teen muttered softly to himself. He let out a soft, sadistic chuckle as he recalled his traumatic memories. He rolled back over with a sigh, tears threatening to spill. He brushed his arm over his eyes to stop the welling of tears in his eyes. He exhaled sharply with a sniffle. Gazing out at the stars, he climbed out of bed and walked towards his window and forced it open and climbing onto the roof.

This was Tommy's favorite thing to do.

Despite his fostering organization protesting against it for his safety, he never listened. He is such a troubled kid after all, right?

The blond carelessly launched himself farther down the roof, legs dangling over the worn down gutter of the building. He exhales, looking down, seeing the buzzing streets below him. His mind raced, it’d be so easy to just jump. Right then and there, all his problems could be resolved. His hands gripped a little harder onto the gutter, eyebrows furrowing and the sudden instrusion of negative thoughts. Tommy wasnt suicidal, there was nothing wrong with him, hes just a little edgy. 

Tommy also liked to devoid his problems.

Pushing his weight, he leaned a little more towards the ledge. He shifted, adrenaline began to course through his veins. He didn’t want to die, he just wanted to feel alive. 

Tommy squinted his eyes, part of him wanted to actually jump off, feeling the wind brush up against his back and then, nothing.

Nothing,,

He repoened his eyes only to genuinely realize how far off the edge he was slipping off. Eyes widened, he forcefully scurryed back up onto the solid sloped roof, breathing heavily, he let out a humorless chuckle. He couldnt trust himself anymore.

Tommy turned back towards the window, cautiously pushing himself back into his room, shutting the glass behind him. Lifting his arms in the air, he stretched, releasing a yawn of exhaustion. Glancing over at the clock that now read 3:58 am, he realized now may be a good idea to fall back asleep. Tiptoeing back to his bed, and huddling under the covers.

“Tommorows the big day, yeah?” He muttered to himself, silently dozing off.


	2. New feeling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tommy is introduced to his new family, many emotions course through his mind.
> 
> But maybe it isn’t so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Trigger warning for explicitly Self-Inflicted injury and referenced trauma to abuse!!

October 18, 2019. 9:23 AM

It was hard to identify, something about how the air stilled, however at the same time acted as if it were suffocating him as soon as he met a new family. Nauseating thoughts and the way his mind darkened. He can't explain it, he cant put a finger on it. Perhaps it was because he could always predict an outcome? 

Tommy was a ‘troubled child’.

Maybe that's the reason he's been in and out of foster homes for as long as he could remember. It didn't bother him, he wanted to escape. He's tried several times, of course to no avail but he knows one day he’ll succeed.

As he sat alone in his thoughts, they were abruptly interrupted as his social worker twisted his doorknob and welcomed herself into the room. Tommy glanced up at her, giving her a sad smile. She responded back with the same and gestured towards the bag he packed a night or so prior. Officially climbing out of bed, he leaned down and threw his satchel over his shoulder. Today was going to be eventful.

...

Today wasn’t eventful. Well, at least so far.

It played the same as any other appointment, sit in a car, go to a house, and meet your new “family”. That's how Tommy got in this situation, sitting on an uncomfortable leather couch awaiting for his new ‘foster dad’. He had uneasy eye contact with his worker, but was cut short when a tall, blonde and hatted man appeared. He had a preppy stance, older yet very humble with a wide smile on his face. Tommy furrowed his eyebrows, anxiety beginning to take its course. The unfamiliar man took notice of the younger’s expression as his smile seemed to soften. It was incredibly easy to read his facial language, full of pity. Tommy hated that. 

The older broke eye contact with Tommy and took notice of his worker, in response she gestured for him to go into another room. As the two adults left, Tommy sat in this unfamiliar environment, alone. Alone. That word hit awfully too close to home for the teen. He never really did have anyone in his life, no one that stayed or at least wanted to. Maybe, that’s how it was meant to be, maybe he deserved it.

I deserve it.

That simple phrase echoed throughout his mind, Tommy’s mind began to fog, his eyes becoming blurry with tears. He tried his best to ignore it but oftentimes it got the best of him. He felt so stupid, maybe he was just ovvereacting, It didnt matter though. That didn’t change the fact that the statement was true. Feeling a sharp pain in his arm, he snapped back into reality and looked towards the source of the burning sensation. It was red, soft red lines forming what lhad a sad, similar appearance to a rash. Oh. Tommy had developed a bad scratching problem when he became overwhelmed, He never knew what caused it but kind of just went with it considering it seemed like such a normal act. Quickly, he yanked down his sleeve and wiped his eyes.

Looking back round himself, he realized the two were still in the other room discussing. Sitting in silence, he thought of an idea. He could run now, he could actually be free. It wasn’t a common time that they let Tommy alone due to the fact he often had intentions to escape, this was the perfect opportunity. Grabbing his bag, he threw it over his shoulder and began to look for a relatively less obvious escape route. Spotting a backdoor just around the corner, he began to approach it. Smiling softly to himself, his arm slowly reached out towards the handle. It’s now or never, Tommy thought before quickly being interrupted.

“Mister Houdini trying to make his disappearance already?” An unfamiliar and relatively young voice spoke behind them. Tommy, startled, quickly swung back around and looked towards the staircase where the voice came from. A rather tall teen was staring back at him, his fluffy hair covering most of his eyes which he quickly shook away from his face. Tommy let out a sharp exhale and exaggeratedly slumped back over the couch. Throwing his bag onto the ground, he crossed his arms trying to ignore the hints of frustration he felt. The other boy made his way round’ to tommy, sitting on the coffee table in front of him. Tommy looked up with a bitter expression to which the older smiled at. Tommy avoided eye contact and chose to look away, not a very good first impression. In awkward silence, there was also tension so thick it could be cut with a knife. 

“Wilbur,” The blond looked back, face doused in confusion. “I’m Wilbur.” Tommy sat, nodding so slightly that it barely registered with the other. “This is the part where I say, and you are or something isn’t it?” Wilbur chuckled, trying to hide the awkward emotions in the room. Tommy shifted slightly uncomfortably. “Oh, yeah, erm. Tommy, I’m Tommy.” Wilbur seemed profoundly happy with the sudden response. “He speaks!” He exclaimed, throwing his hands up with exaggeration. The younger flinched, slightly squinting his eyes and looked away. Wilbur took the hint and quickly reinforced his hands in his lap, profusely apologizing.

Yeah, definitely not a good first impression.

Tommy had prayed no other awkward interactions would be produced between the two. As if on queue a sudden, louder voice erupted from behind them.

“Seems like Wilbur already found you! That’s great, hope he wasnt a bother.”

Wilbur’s eyes seemed to glow at the sight of him before letting out a soft chuckle, followed by him playfully rolling his eyes “Im not really one for conversation starters” Will awkwardly mustered before standing up to greet the other. It was relatively easy to distinguish the voice , even without looking, it was ‘the man from the hallway.’ 

He made his way to the side of the couch, Tommy forced himself to look up and awkwardly smile at him. “Oh, Right!” The eldest exclaimed enthusiastically. “You can call me Phil, I know you may not be exactly too comfortable calling me Dad straight away..” He paused, but quickly interrupted his own silence. “And that’s totally okay! Take the time you need!” 

Tommy genuinely let a smile tug at his lips, it was nice to have such a comfortable introduction, a nice relief. Maybe, just maybe, this wont be so bad after all. Looking over his shoulder, he noticed a time imprinted onto the stove. 

10:03 AM

“Erm, could I go up to my room, if, if I have one? I didn’t, uh, get too much rest so It’d be nice to kinda, unpack?” Tommy muttered out timidly. 

Phil nodded, still smiling at the boy he began walking towards the stairs, gesturing for Tommy to follow. Rather quickly, Tommy grabbed his bag and scurried up chasing after Phil. The older climbed up the rest of the stairs, Tommy trailing behind until they reached a room. Opening the door it revealed it relatively well decorated space, it was simple but more than enough for Tommy.

“Here it is! We werent sure, what exactly you liked, feel free to ask for more decor!” Phil said, sounding proud. “Ill introduce you to Techno later, but for now make yourself at home, maybe get some rest!”

Tommy nodded, watching the other exit the room and left him alone. Depsite wanting to actually be productive, he switched off the light, walked back towards the bed and kneeled down, rummaging through his bag. Grasping his phone, he became satisfied and flopped onto his new bed. 

A gentle glow emits from the phone screen, washing over the the sheets, colors flickering in rapid motion as several notifications from different platforms make their way onto the screen. He tilted his head, but ultimately choses to ignore them. Typing in his passcode, he decided to do a little research on the area. Mentally, he jots down his new school, shopping areas, parks but soon grows bored. 

He releases a yawn, clicking the side button he feels himself slowly drifting off.

1:47 pm

Tommy jolts awake, feeling slight beads of sweat devleop near the edge of his hairline. Breathing heavily, he looks around the unfamiliar room which soon becomes blurry. It doesnt even register to Tommy that he was crying until he feels his eyes begginning to burn. 

Throwing the covers off of him, he makes his way out of bed and towards the door in the other corner of the room. Opening it, as he suspected was a bathroom on the other side. Quickly, he shuts and locks it, flicking on the light directly after. 

Tommy sits on the toilet seat with a huff, trying to calm down to appease himself. “This is so fucking stupid,” He mutters to no one in particular. It felt as if this were ongoing for serversl hours, when in reality it had only been a few minutes. It felt as if the world was out to get him, he could never catch a break, not even for a moment to just grasp a soft mellow feeling.

Frantically, he looks around only for a small razor catch his eye. Despite knowing it was a bad idea, he still grabs it and hurries to unhinge it. The small blades fall into his palm, still beading with sweat. Still shaking, he slowly slides up the sleeve of his arm.

Hesitation.

He was, scared to say the least. The most he’d ever experienced was a slight gash from his scratching but nothing like how he imagined a razor to feel. Fiddling with the piece of metal, he slowly alined it on his forearm.

Only once, or twice he told himself.

With that, a quick swipe and immediately blood began to dot. Tommy felt, ammused, and slightly relieved.

It was rather similar to when Tommy hung off ledges of higher areas; Adrenaline inducing, it made him feel alive.

Swipe after swipe, it felt like he was some morbid artist and his arm was his own crimson filled canvas.

Then was the realization.

He freezes. Regret trickling through him, seemingly mirroring the blood that trickled down his arm. The pain was more apparent, it soared through his arm causing him to drop the blade he had in hand. Clashing with the tiles, it made a soft noise. He looked down, it glinted back at him innocently.

That’s—that’s not right, he- Tommy did not let himself get so carried away, right? 

He exhales sharply, and was quick to clean up the bathroom to as he found it. Only a few minutes pass, he feels satisfied with the layout. Leaving the bathroom, guilt rushes over him. 

Faint talking in laughing from downstairs causes Tommy to snap back into his own reality. His heart aches faintly at the thought of them finding out. He can believe that once, he thought he was going to have a good time. He cant seem to help himself with such negative thought, his mind would argue back anyway— crashing waves of pessimism and sorrow.

With tired eyes, Tommy grabs his phone out the jumbled covers of his bed and opens the exiting door to his room. Taking a deep breath he approached He shuffled down the stairs and looked towards the kitchen where Phil, Wilbur and another male with Pink hair were all  
talking. The oldest quickly took notice of Tommy. “Hey kiddo!” The other two turned to loom at Tommy. “Sleep well I’m assuming?” Tommy didn’t reply, he had to stifle a chuckle. Yeah right. All he could do was ponder about the nightmare he had. He could feel eyes staring at him. but still remained quiet in thought. “Tommy?” Will spoke in replace of Phil. 

The concern in his voice makes Tommy snap back into the other’s conversation. He runs his hand through his hair. “Oh, Sorry big man I zoned out for, a sec. But yeah I did” He blinks, looking back up and trying to register and read the other’s expressions. It’s more difficult, but it feels bittersweet. A low feeling stirs in his stomach, causing thorough discomfort. Tommy makes his way over to the others and for some reason, a wave of comfort immediately drowns out his negative senses. 

“Oh! Right! Tommy, Techno” Phil gestures from the younger to the pink haired boy, “Techno, Tommy” 

Techno looks up at tommy with tired eyes, looking him up and down he gives a very odd smile, almost smirk. Tommy shifts a little uncomfortably. 

“You look terrified, nice to meet you too” Techno chuckles, causing Tommy to furrow his eyebrows. “As if, anime boy” 

Tommy’s response causes the room erupts with laughter and techno forces out a fake gasp. 

Tommy smiles, a genuine smile and releases a soft chuckle. Nothing about these interactions feel, faux.  
It all feels natural. 

If this is what family feels like, he could get used to it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG!! Kinda proud of this chapter, but i also didnt edit a lot of it so there may be a lot of mistakes!! WOOPS!


	3. Trust.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wilbur observes that Tommy reminds him of his past self, While Tommy acknowledges that maybe trust isn’t so bad.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw for slight reference of self harm and suicide ideation!

October 25th, 2020. 

6:24 AM.

Tommy jolted awake, his chest heaving uneasily. Sweat drenching his hair and partially dripping onto his back.

Yet another nightmare.

Sluggishly, he threw his blankets off himself and sat on the edge of his head, hand running through his hair. Looking over towards his blinds, the slight light glowing through seemed rather harsh to his sensitive eyes. Turning back around, he glances at his alarm clock. Too early for anyone to be awake, but felt rather late to go back to sleep. Standing up, he released a shaky sigh and gripped his now damp, blonde locks in a fit of frustration. He stood awkwardly in the center of the room, still feeling tired, he contemplated on what could be the start of his day. Pondering for a few moments, he decided on taking a shower to clear his mind, as well as some of the sweat that still accumulated on his body. Shuffling through his bag, he grabbed a hoodie and sweatpants for what to wear after the shower. 

he groggily approached the restroom, opened the door and stepped into the room. Upon entrance, he flicked the light switch and immediately the harsh light emits, slightly flickering from the bulbs. Tommy squints his eyes, attempting to get used to the new setting after a few moments. Tommy turned to the shower and reached in past the curtains, finding the handle and turning it on ever so slightly. He glances up towards the mirror that sat in front of him, his hollow-eyed reflection stared back. Sometimes, It was even hard for him to recognize himself in the state that he was in. Letting out a shaky exhale, he tried his best to brush it off and turned to step into the shower.

Streams of the chilling water raced down his back, sending shockwaves through the rest of his body. He felt his test tighten as the water dripped from his damp hair down to his neck, it got more difficult to resist the urge to shiver. 

His mind kept racing back to all the recurring nightmares he’s been having over the past few weeks, months, years even? It’s been such a normal experience that he’s been losing the conception of time in how long these have been happening. Trying to relax into the ice-like water, he forces his mind to switch to a different topic to feel more at ease. After standing for a few moments, Tommy decides It’s about time to wash off the grime that built up on his body. He swivels around and searches for something to wash his body with, examining he discovers a bar of soap. He picks it up, it slips a few times but he was able to pinpoint a grip on it. Bringing it up to his body, he began to cleanse himself. The soft bar felt uneven against his rough skin, slightly bothering him. 

Beginning to wash his arms, He tried his best to ignore that his forearm was slightly riddled with fresh scabs. Some had begun to flake due from the constant water droplets rushing over them. Even just the sight sent regret seeping throughout his mind. He chose to ignore this area and decided it’d be best to rinse off. He closes his eyes for a moment, letting the water trickle down his body.

In his logic, clean body, clean mind, right? He wished it were that easy.

Tommy fluttered his eyes back open, trying to avoid the droplets that neared his eye. His trembling, goosebump ridden arm reached for the shower knob, twisting it, causing the stream of water to come to an abrupt end. Stepping out of the shower, he gripped the shower on the rack and slumped down the wall to the floor. Burying his face in the towel, he could hear the faint droplets of water settle into the towel, originating from his hair. He lost track of time, but must have sat there for a while. When he looked up, eyes feeling fuzzy he regained his train of thought, noting the he was mostly dry. He blinked, then proceeded to stand up with tired legs.  
He took the towel and patted down most of the still damp parts of his body, following this he decided to put on his clothes. Examining the bathroom, It wasn't the tidiest, but he could clean that up later.

By the time he was out the shower, it had roughly ten from seven AM. Tommy left the restroom and grabbed his phone from the stand that was placed next to his bed. Considering it was still early and there was nothing to do, he contemplated on how to solve the boredom. He didn’t know this area well, let alone at all so without hesitation he settled on the idea of adventuring around. Shoving his phone in his pocket, he scurried out his room and down the steps, approaching the front door. He looked over his shoulder just to be safe, once he noted that no one was there he slightly cracked the door open and side stepped through it.

Immediately he was met with a rather cold breeze, earning a shiver being sent down his spine. He began walking, mentally cursing himself for wearing less than appropriate clothing for weather so cold. Bitter collections of frustration and negative thoughts made his way into his mind. Simple things made Tommy angry, but especially himself. The thought that he wasn’t doing good enough always lingered with him. More sour thoughts became tangled with his mind, he kept walking but put more frustration in his steps. Looking up, he realized the landscape had slightly changed. More trees were gathered together and in the distance there was some sort of unique architecture. Intrigued, Tommy made his way closer.

Oh sweet, a bridge.

It was a run-down, but still useful bridge, definitely not a necessity, but still did have a nice, underlying aesthetic to it. Tommy traced his hands on the freezing railing, making his finger feel number by the second. He paused, shifting a weight to look over the rails. Below sat a river with rushing, aggressive streams of water and heavy tides. It had a calming yet eerie vibe to it. Without any mental restriction, Tommy jumped the safety railing and slumped down on the underlying pavement. The feeling of dangling his legs in the air reminded him of the nights he spent at his old foster homes, it made him feel alive. However, with this, suicidal ideation began to creep up in his mind yet again.

“Why do I think like this?” Tommy stammered out to no one in particular. Of course, it was met with silence. He let out a dry chuckle, and shook his head. He rubs a hand over his face, hoping it would help clear some of his emotions.

“Tommy?”

His voice jumped at the sudden noise behind him, instinctively shifting around to see Wilbur. He felt his chest tense up. The older’s expression read an intense concern and his shaky voice showcased that too. 

“Hey,” Tommy replied, voice flat.

“What are you doing?” Wilbur questions, confusion and concern, edged in his voice.

“I was, just uhm,” Tommy pauses, unsure of what to say. “I dunno, just wanted to adventure the area I guess, this bridge seemed cool” Still making eye contact with Will, the other didn’t seem convinced but seemed to shrug it off. “Why’re you here?” 

Wilbur seemed as if he wasn’t prepared to hear that question, it took him a moment to think of a response. He broke eye contact with the blond, looking out towards the crashing river. “I come here sometimes, just to think. But I saw you, thought you were doing something else.” 

Tommy frowned slightly, sitting for a moment in silence. He felt tension settling in the air and decided he probably should get back up. Standing up, he pushed his upper body strength and allowed himself to hop over the rail. Wilbur was still examining the landscape, Tommy just stared.

“You alright big man?” Tommy asked, but it was meant with silence. He inhaled slightly, looking over his shoulder, feeling slightly uncomfortable. 

“Will, hello? 

“You remind me of myself, Tommy.” Wilbur responded rather calmly. Tommy was slightly taken aback, it was hard to decipher what exactly that meant, or what it could mean. He contemplated asking, but it seemed Will already had an explanation. 

“Are you okay? I used to do this before I got on my meds, I did it when I was sad, are you sad?” Will spoke again, his voice had a sour tint to it, yet still managed to sound rather soothing. Tommy stood awkwardly, he fidgeted with his sleeves and leaned onto the railing.

“Wow, That, was out of nowhere,” Tommy chuckled, “M’, well uh, no. I just, I dunno, It feels nice to get some adrenaline every now and then” Tommy shrugged. It wasn't a complete lie, but he also couldn’t really decipher if it was the truth either. 

“Okay,” Wilbur said cautiously, “If you ever need someone to talk to, I'm always here, Y’know?”

“Okay.” Tommy replied, shifting uncomfortably.

Silence lingered for a moment, but was interrupted as Wilbur cleared his throat.

“How the fuck are you not cold?” Will questioned, looking towards Tommy “ Or are you, you look cold, your nose is red.” The older noted, releasing a chuckle. 

Tommy didn’t reply, instead only chuckling softly under his breath. The pair made a few more remarks back in forth to each other and very quickly, the tension dissolved into the air. Tommy lets himself sink into the comforting familiarity of the conversation. They both discuss a variety of topics, hobbies, favorite things, basic ice breakers as such. Talking with Wilbur reminds him of having somewhat of a brother figure— Oh.

With time, Tommy slips into his natural persona, humbling, loud and exciting in which Wilbur seems to get behind. The friendly banter went back in forth for a small while before Wilbur decided it was too cold. Pausing, he breaths out, air visibly flowing away from him. “We should, probably head back now” Wilbur states, smiling down at the younger.

Tommy nodded in return, the pair walking back towards the direction in which they came. As Tommy continues to speak, Wilbur’s eyes are fixiated down by Tommy’s wrist. The younger is fidgeting with his sleeves, constantly gripping the end of it to make sure it doesn’t slide up. Wilbur furrows his eyebrows slightly, almost stopping in his tracks, Tommy doesnt seem to notice. Will stares, Tommy’s face beams confidently, happy words flowing out of his mouth. Wilbur had taken note that a lot of the times Tommy beamed, it didn’t seem to quite reach his eyes. They looked, sad to say the least. To be quite honest, it reminded Will of himself.

As they neared the house, the still made conversation but Wilbur was more focused on the idea of asking how Tommy was feeling once again. As the other skipped happily up the driveway, Wilbur stood still. “Tommy?” He spoke, concerned edged in his voice. Tommy cringed at the familiar tone, quickly pondering an excuse. “Its cold Will! Tell me inside!” With that, he slipped through the door—leaving Will standing alone.

As Tommy inched through the door, Hes greeted by Phil. He gifts a gentle wave, in which the eldest replies with a hand gesture, waving Tommy towards his direction. He obliges and confidently skips over the Phil, awaiting whatever message he had to deliver.

“So, I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently, and I think it may be best for you to start getting an education again.” 

All the air in Tommy’s chest quickly rushes out in one breath. His heart skips. “Oh,” he mumbles, “yeah, alright.” He can hear the bitterness in his own voice. Phil notices the discomfort , giving him a sad smile. 

“Trust me, It’s not as bad as you think it’ll be mate, just give it a go for me, alright kid?”

Tommy wants to trust the reassurance that escapes from Phil, but it all seems like lies rolling off the tongue. Tommy doesn’t care to listen to the details of the enrollment, He’s too fixiated on the idea of what could go wrong. 

Tommy hadn’t realized, but Wilbur had entered a few minutes prior. When Phil had excused Tommy from the kitchen where the conversation resided, Will tried his best to cheer Tommy up. He made similar remarks as they did in the cheerful conversation they had earlier, however Tommy only replies with a dry, humorless chuckle. Sympathy creeps it’s way into Will’s happiness. Tommy’s remarks and friendly banter used to come absently from his mouth, Now, all Tommy can do is look up with tired eyes—reminding the other how he used to be.

The blonde excuses himself from the room— once again leaving Will sat in silence and sorrow filled for the young boy. He skips up the stairs into his room, instantly approaching his bed and falling into it. 

He released a long groan into his pillow. Flipping back over, he stares at the ceiling—running a hand through his hair, He pulls the sleeve of his hoodie, sinking farther into the bed. The burning in his eyes, the low feeling of dread stirred in his stomach, He fucking hated it. Tommy hated a lot of things, emotions like this were no exception. Sometimes, he wished they’d just disappear— maybe he wishes he were dead. 

Or maybe that was an exaggeration, at this point Tommy couldn’t tell. He had bottled up so many emotions, distributed so many personalities he was unsure how to reach out. At the same time, was it even worth it to?  
Sometimes Tommy found himself shameful of wanting to die when other people didn’t have a choice or chance at life.

With slow blinks, he could himself slightly drifitng off. Phil’s words occupied into his mind.

Trust me, It’s not as bad as you think it’ll be mate, just give it a go for me, alright kid

He wanted to trust Phil—maybe he’s right.

Maybe it won’t be so bad after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO I AM SO SORRY FOR NOT UPDATING!! Ive been lazy D:,, im working in chapter 4 so i may update again today!!! Im pretty proud of this chapter tho!! lmk what you think :]

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank u so much for reading, this is my first work on here so im a little confused but! Sorry if there are any grammar mistakes!
> 
> Also! im trying to improve my editing style so please leave feedback!!


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